A first date can be complicated. But for those who carry concealed, it can be even more nerve-wracking. There are no rules or roadmap for when or how you should disclose that you’re armed. If you’re newly single or fresh on the dating scene, it can feel like you’re venturing into uncharted territory.
On one hand, you have no obligation to share your decision to carry a firearm with the person with whom you’re on a date. On the other hand, your date’s thoughts on the matter could make or break your budding relationship. People can be very uncomfortable and even downright opposed to guns. It’s important to consider if as well as when and how to bring up your decision to take responsibility for your safety.
Carrying Concealed on Your Date: What to Consider
Before deciding whether to carry, ensure you understand your state’s laws regarding concealed carry in public and private venues. Some states impose restrictions on carrying firearms in certain areas. Carrying your firearm on a date can provide a sense of security. If you’re unable to carry, consider less-lethal self-defense tools, such as pepper spray, stun devices or a personal alarm.
Carrying a firearm means planning ahead. The location of your date can determine whether you need to disclose your concealed carry status.
Choosing Gun-Friendly Locations
It can be difficult to be spontaneous as someone who carries concealed. You’ll need to start by looking for a gun-friendly destination and be mindful of signage on buildings or establishments that prohibit firearms. If it carries the force of the law, you need to comply. That means you could very easily find yourself in a situation where you have to disarm or leave your firearm locked up in your car. Keeping a gun mount, lock or small safe readily available is a great way to ensure you’re prepared.
Some states enforce no-gun zones in bars, movie theaters, or amusement parks. Researching your date location beforehand ensures compliance with local laws while avoiding uncomfortable situations.
And then there’s drinking. Most dates take place where alcohol is served. Depending on your local and state laws, mixing the two can either be illegal or lead to a less-than-ideal situation. Your reaction time and inhibitions are compromised. You can carry or you can drink; the decision is yours, so be sensible.
What Will You Wear?
Choosing what to wear is half the battle. You want to impress, but you also need to be dressed appropriately so your firearm is concealed. We’ve come a long way in regards to carry options. Choose something that will ensure you’re comfortable and discreet. You don’t want to be tugging at your shirt or readjusting your belt frequently. Loose-fitting clothing with movement and layering with a sweater are always good places to start. If you’re going on a more adventurous date with vigorous activity such as hiking, cycling or boating, you’ll need to consider adjusting your look for that situation as well. A little planning will go a long way.
When Should You Tell Your Date You Carry a Gun?
Informing your date of your concealed carry lifestyle is a personal choice — and a big one at that. Honesty is key in a growing relationship. At some point, you’ll need to disclose why you’re avoiding certain locations, why you’re not drinking, or why you’re mindful of where you sit.
First Date vs. Later in the Relationship
A good rule of thumb is to hold your cards close until you feel you can trust your new partner. However, carrying a firearm is likely an integral part of your life. In my opinion, you should have the conversation sooner rather than later. If your thoughts on the matter don’t align, it might be a deal-breaker, saving you both some time. In the meantime, you can test the waters. Before jumping into the topic, consider subtle ways to assess their thoughts on self-defense. Discussions about personal safety, current events or hobbies like shooting sports can provide insight into their perspective on firearms.
How to Bring Up Concealed Carry Comfortably
There’s no one-size-fits-all approach, but the best time to discuss your concealed carry status is when you’re comfortable and the conversation naturally leads to it. For example, if the topic of self-defense or personal safety comes up, you can use that as an opportunity to introduce your decision to carry.
When the time comes, you might spend your night wondering if your date can see you printing, if he or she will be freaked out to find out, or if your holster will be accidentally grazed when you lean in for a hug. You might even be wondering if you should leave your firearm at home and avoid the hassle altogether. But if the idea of not being able to protect yourself is more unsettling than your date finding out, you should make the decision to feel safe.
Instead of making it a big revelation, keep it casual. You might say something like, “One of my hobbies is shooting at the range. Have you ever tried it?” If they express interest, it can lead to a productive conversation.
Balancing Safety & Relationships
Disclosing your concealed carry status is a personal decision that depends on trust, timing and the nature of your relationship. At the end of the day, spilling the beans shouldn’t be hard. Look for a segue in the get-to-know-you conversation and only dive into the subject if you’re comfortable. You can hint at the matter or just come right out and say that shooting is a personal hobby. Ultimately, your safety is the priority. Choose a path that aligns with both your comfort and principles. You might even find that what once felt like a hurdle to overcome is now an exciting conversation, a shared interest and a future date night at the range.
