I still remember being 8 years old, trying to go to sleep on Christmas Eve as I peeked out of my bedroom window, watching the snow flurries illuminated by the streetlight whip around into thick blankets and snowbanks. Well, it’s almost that time of year to once again set out the cookies and milk and wait for the jolly old elf to arrive. But let’s just hope you get Santa Claus … and not Santa Cause.

Ho-Ho-Horrific

I’m sure by now you’ve either seen, heard about or talked about the mall Santa at the Harlem Irving Plaza in Norridge, Illinois. Santa Claus told a little boy “NO — no guns!” when he wished for a NERF gun for Christmas.

“No, not even a NERF gun,” Santa scolded the little guy. “If your dad wants to get it for you, that’s fine, but I can’t bring it to you. What else would you like? Lots of other toys. Legos. There’s bicycles. There’s cars and trucks.”

Then the little boy started crying, and his mother quickly stepped in to console him. You can watch the viral video yourself. It’s truly heartbreaking. His mom later wrote in a Facebook post, “My poor baby. This was the first year Michael was excited to go see Santa. It was supposed to be magical, but instead I had to watch my sweet little boy fight back tears because Santa told him ‘No’ because of his own personal beliefs.”

The thing is, little Michael didn’t ask the head elf for the notoriously violent “Grand Theft Auto” video game or a “Breaking Bad” action figure, complete with toy crystal meth (yes — that was a thing)! He didn’t ask for an AK-47. Michael asked for an incredibly popular toy gun that launches lightweight, brightly colored disks, balls or darts composed of Non-Expanding Recreational Foam (NERF).

Ho-Ho-Wholesome Santa Claus

Ultimately, the Harlem Irving Plaza, in a statement reported by the Daily Mail, said it was “deeply apologetic” for the unfortunate event and that the “woke” Santa has resigned. They stated, “The Santa company will continue to remind all Santas how important it is to not impose personal opinions during visits with the children.”

And thankfully, the “real” Saint Nick visited Michael at his home to hand-deliver a very special present — a NERF Ultra Pharaoh Blaster. It’s one of the biggest models made by the brand.

Christmas has been ruined enough times already by the Scrooges and naysayers. Let’s not feed anymore of the cancel culture by transforming the jolliest of elves into the most persnickety. I don’t know about you, but I may or may not have several real guns and toy guns on my wish list this year. And I don’t need anyone telling me to pick something else because they don’t happen to like it.

So, Father Christmas, please feel free to deliver an HK SP5 9mm sporting pistol or Hasbro’s NERF LMTD Star Wars The Mandalorian Amban Phase-Pulse Blaster to anyone at the Alcazar residence on December 25! And enjoy a merry, cause-free Christmas!