When you have kids, your approach to self-defense and home defense changes. After all, there’s no choice but to rethink your methods to account for small humans who may or may not do as they’re told or who may be too young to follow — or even remember — directions.
This is when protection plans must evolve beyond having your firearm and defending your own life because the moving parts become too complex to ignore.
Why Families Need an Emergency Protection Plan
A family emergency plan should tell children where to go, how to escape, whom to contact and what to do if a parent cannot reach them. The details will change with a child’s age, abilities, home layout and school environment, but the plan must be discussed and practiced before an emergency.
Here’s what I’ve learned about protecting your kids when you can and can’t be there, and why it helps to plan for the unexpected.
How to Make a Home-Defense Plan with Kids
There are certain details about home defense that change when kids are involved. How you respond depends on your kids’ ages, so we’ll consider two scenarios: infants and toddlers who can’t be expected to follow directions and older kids capable of not only doing as they’re told but also remembering what to do in an emergency.
Plan Around Your Home’s Layout
First, where are your kids’ bedrooms located?
At one point, I lived in a house that gave me no choice but to put my daughter’s room at the top of the stairs — stairs that directly faced the front door. My room was off to one side, meaning it was dealer’s choice whether a home invader would head up those stairs or remain on the main floor. This wasn’t a great situation because it meant someone with ill intent could easily get between me and my daughter.
If you have the option of placing your bedroom between your kids’ rooms and the front door, do it. Finding yourself in a situation in which you may not be able to reach your kids before danger does is a terrible place to be.
Make Different Plans for Younger and Older Children
With younger kids, you need a protection plan that includes using one of their rooms as your position of strength. It’s the place you’ll go, armed, and await the threat.
If the other parent is present — and he or she won’t always be, whether it’s because of a business trip, vacation or divorce — figure out who goes where.
No, you can’t safely lock kids in their rooms at bedtime. If nothing else, it’s a major fire hazard.
Decide what works best for you in your home with whoever is likely to be present and go from there.
If your kids are old enough to remember and follow directions, that makes things a bit easier.
Make a plan with your kids regarding what to do if something happens, and that needs to include what they should do if they hear a scary noise.
Realistically, you can’t expect kids to automatically know the difference between the cat knocking over a glass and an intruder breaking into your house. Home invaders don’t carry bullhorns with which to announce their presence and ill intent.
What your plan looks like with older kids depends on their capabilities, your home’s layout and where you live.
Questions Every Home Emergency Plan Should Answer
Practice scenarios with your kids, and ask yourself these questions:
- Where do the kids go during a home invasion? Do they stay in their rooms? Run to the master bedroom? Hide in a closet?
- If the kids wait for you, do you have a password so they know it’s you outside their doors?
- What should the kids do if an intruder gets to them first? You might not like to think about this situation, but you need to consider it.
- If the kids have smartphones, are they old enough to keep them overnight and call 911 if needed?
- Are there situations in which it would be smart for the kids to get out of the house? If so, figure out where they should head. If there’s a neighbor close enough whom you trust, that works, but if you live in a rural area, that might not be reasonable.
- If you have more than one child, consider having the older one go to the younger child’s room to handle him or her during an emergency. This includes helping the younger child leave the house, hide or otherwise respond to legitimate danger.
And let’s not forget to address the proverbial elephant in the room: What happens if you’re down, injured or dead, and that leaves your children unprotected?
It’s a horrific scenario to imagine, but take the time to formulate a plan.
Depending on the ages of your kids, how you address this will vary, but there should be some sort of backup plan. Usually that’s going to involve fleeing the house, but it might also mean hiding in a crawl space or another available area.
You’re doing your kids a disservice if you don’t take the grim details into consideration.
How to Build a School Emergency Plan
You can’t always be present for your kids, no matter how badly you’d like to be.
When they’re at school, they might be five minutes away, or they might be an hour’s drive away. It all depends on where you live and work. Regardless, the reality is that you won’t be physically present the instant danger presents itself.
Before we jump into this, let’s get one thing straight: Armed active killers in schools aren’t new. One of the earliest, if not the first, school shootings in the United States took place in Virginia in 1840.¹
Considering what your kids should do in case of an attack on their schools isn’t dark or paranoid. It’s smart parenting.
Again, the approach depends on the ages and abilities of the kids in question.
Choose a Fixed Meeting Place
My daughter was in grade school when she understood the game plan for what to do if an armed threat came into her school. The school was close enough that she could walk home along a safe, set path, and that was the best choice at the time.
If you tell your kids to run — which is a good idea, by the way — they need to know the location to which they’re running, whether that’s home or somewhere else.
Choose a spot and stick to it. That’s your meetup location so that you aren’t frantically trying to figure out where they went.
It’s not always possible for kids to run because that frequently involves breaking or opening a window. Make sure you talk to them about the safest ways to do that.
Know the School Layout
Teaching your kids the difference between cover and concealment might seem silly, but it’s not.
Make it a point to familiarize yourself with the layouts of your children’s schools and classrooms so that you know where the best hiding spots and escape routes are.
If it comes to fighting, it helps if your kids have at least a basic understanding of how firearms work.
Teach Children When to Adapt
The standard response in most schools remains throwing books and other objects at an assailant, and while it’s better than nothing, it’s not better by much.
This is also where you want your kids to understand that although they should listen to and respect their teachers, there may be times when ignoring a teacher is the smarter choice. Emergencies can change quickly, and children may need to adapt if the planned route or adult instructions would place them in greater danger.
How you approach that conversation is up to you, but ensure that your kids understand that ignoring an adult might sometimes be the smartest and safest thing to do.
Emergency Plans Beyond Violence
It’s impossible to plan for every situation your kids might face, and that’s why you also teach them to adapt.
A basic protection plan can be improvised to fit a different location or scenario.
It isn’t just about home invaders or an active shooter either. Fires are statistically more likely and, depending on where you live, flash floods and tornadoes should be factored in.
You might not be around when danger arrives, whether in human form or as a force of nature.
As your kids get older, you should advance their understanding and preparation accordingly.
Here are some tips on how to help them prepare for the unexpected:
- Make a plan with your kids for home, school and trips away from home.
- Have a meeting place where family members can find one another if you’re separated.
- Come up with a password that can be used not only for family members but also for trusted friends to let the kids know it’s OK to go with them or let them in. Make sure it isn’t a word that’s easy to guess.
- Find a route kids can memorize in case they need to escape something, and ensure that the destination is fixed. (For example, telling them to “go to the bus” isn’t a great plan.)
- Teach older kids to look out for their younger siblings.
- Don’t underestimate how capable your kids are because they’re more resilient, tougher and sharper than you may realize.
- Demonstrate the difference between cover and concealment.
- Teach basic gun safety and skills such as spotting a failure or magazine change and taking advantage of it.
Protecting What Matters Most
Most importantly, you need to be realistic.
It’s wonderful when kids act courageously and save the lives of others.
Even so, when my daughter was young, I repeatedly told her to run. Don’t go looking for friends, don’t freeze and fail to escape or fight back, and don’t try to be a hero.
This might sound awful. How could you tell your kids not to be a hero?
It’s because I want my kids to come home alive.
When they’re older, they’ll know the difference and what to do, but the younger they are, the stickier that gets.
Make a protection plan. Talk about the scary stuff. Be prepared.
And don’t be a martyr because if you’re gone, who will protect your kids?
Endnote
- Sandy Hausman, “Librarian Solves Mystery of First School Shooting in the U.S.,” WVTF, May 3, 2018.
*This article originally appeared in the May/June 2026 edition of Concealed Carry Magazine and has been modified for the web.
What should be included in a family emergency plan?
Clear instructions about where children should go, how they should escape, where the family will meet and what they should do if a parent is unavailable. While younger children may not be able to follow instructions independently, older children can learn routes, call 911, use a family password and assist younger siblings.
Where should children go after escaping school?
They should go to a fixed, predetermined meeting place rather than a vague or movable destination.
Should children be taught the difference between cover and concealment?
Yes, teaching children the difference between the two can help them make better decisions when escape is not immediately possible.
What if a parent is injured during an emergency?
The family should have a backup plan that tells children whether to leave, hide, seek help or follow an older sibling.
